So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
