Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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