Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
