I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
