i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
