he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
