Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
