If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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