He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
