If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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