Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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