But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i will never coherently bang her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
