You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize