Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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