You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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