He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish i was in the wii world.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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