I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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