a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you traded sex for a burrito?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
