hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
