I hate your face
So drunk its hurt
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
zippers are such a cool invention
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
