I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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