If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
