I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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Can you bring me the toilet please
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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