We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
