I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
