I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
