my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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