he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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