I need help removing her.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
