I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
