final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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