you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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