Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
