Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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