so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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