I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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