Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
