please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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