We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
