wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
