its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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