how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
