I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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