yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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