Sponge bath it is.
the condom got lost in my hair
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
