i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
