Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
