your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
