this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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