Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
