she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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