Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
