my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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