I think I won the penis lottery.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
false alarm. still invincible.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
