too bad you live with your parents still
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
