did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
