Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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