if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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