and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize