It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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