i don't like sucking hair
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
