Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
