Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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