Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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